You know, This was one of the most prevailing questions that came up for me during my divorce.  Who am I?  Who is Jennifer Horton?

You see without the umbrella of a marriage I didn’t know who I was anymore.

As ridiculous as that may sound, I’m sure many of you have been there,….or maybe you are there now.  Give it some thought.

As a woman I had given up my career to raise my kids…. I rarely went out with girlfriends, and with my husband gone the majority of the time, I was NOT devoting a whole lot of time to developing my hobbies and joy-filled activities.

Yes, I was a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a triathlete….but somehow, sadly, it just didn’t seem to be enough.  Guilt ravaged me as this thought occurred to me.

I remember thinking  “I have a good life by most peoples standards, why is doesn’t it feel like it’s enough?”,.

What I discovered is that I had spent so many years defining myself by the things that my marriage gave me – husband, kids, house, car, lifestyle, neighborhood, clothes, even friends – that I felt it all being stripped away.

I had given up so much of myself for the marriage on things I felt mattered, only to find out, it can all disappear in a snap.

When I thought back to what I used to do prior to marriage, kids and life in the suburbs…I was at a loss to remember.  Wow!

Had I really succumbed, without realizing it, to the number 1 mistake:  not keeping up with the activities, friends, hobbies, etc, that brought you joy as a single person, and continuing them in marriage?  Yep!  I did.

Later in my journey of healing and self discovery I discovered a universal truth:  identity crises occur when we identify ourselves with the changing vs. the changeless .

Relationships, jobs, cars, homes, friends, body and body image, bank accounts are all changing.

All of these things are in constant motion and change, never the same as they were, nor as they will be.  How can you ever know yourself, your deepest, truest identity, if you create your identity on that which is constantly changing?

Now, it is not my job, nor my place to define you;  however, if you consider the question “who am I?” in terms of what is permanent, changeless, and infinite you will discover a whole new side of yourself you had not considered.  You will create a renewed image of yourself that will support you no matter what circumstances come at you.   In other words, you will have a solid knowing of who you are….a foundation on which to stand, during times of change.

This is the point at which you begin discover and live “in this world, without being of this world.”